The Tale of A Lazy College Tuesday

She was hanging out at the all-male “Purple House” one lazy college afternoon. Most of the guys were out of the house so it was just her and two of her closest college buddies. They were sitting together on the couch in a dilapidated living room that was kinda trying to be decent and also kinda looked like no one gave a damn. Interesting blend.

She and B smoked a little weed then just sat there watching Next Friday. Nothing important was being accomplished that day. Before she knew it J was walking through the door talking mad fast about this hip hop dancer he’d found on YouTube.

They ended up sitting on the couch for what felt like hours watching every single video this guy ever put out. They were totally mesmerized.

By this time it was getting dark outside so more people were showing back up to the house. Beers were being drunk. The TV was taken over. Yeah, the guys were home for sure. All of a sudden the comment was made, “Yo, lets bust out the Nintendo 64.”

Agreement erupted from the group.

She decides to exude her influence. “Ok, but let’s play 007-Goldeneye and I bet not one of you can beat me. Any mode, any player, any level. I’ll destroy you all.”

At that, the guys start wrestling for which 3 would get a controller to go up against this formidable female. They all believed she was full of crap and didn’t stand a chance against them, but never expressed a word of it.

Little did they know…

Less than 15 minutes later all but 1 guy still stood against her. The other two had given up in frustration, muttering something under their breath about how long it had been since they played. No one had eliminated her even once. The last bro standing had already died about 20 times in the game but still, he played on. Perhaps his ego was the type that needed a slow death.

They decided to go into the cave level on proximity mines. Yes, she knew this was the easiest way to finish him off…but he didn’t know that. No need for him to suffer.

He had decided that if he was killed one more time before he got his first kill, that was it. He would quit immediately. Two minutes into the game he was ended by a series of well place proximity mines. And with that, the controller was thrown across the room. “This is shit”, was loudly proclaimed in anger and the house unenthusiastically exclaimed, “Damn, she wasn’t kidding about being good”, in unison as if rehearsed.

Yeah. She liked that.

As she was packing up to leave in the glow of her unilateral killing spree, T walked up to her somewhat sheepishly and said, “Sorry about your car. We can do something about that.”

She walked outside to see the front left corner of her car smashed in from T backing in the driveway without looking carefully.


Luckily, T wasn’t one of the guys she just destroyed in the game or he would be a legit next level sore loser. No, he was just inebriated.

Moral of the story = Don’t drink and drive, kids. But always beat boys at 007.